I wish I was a Stepford Wife

A woman that is perfect in everything she does. A woman who does everything her husband says to do with a smile on her face. A woman who is practically a robot so she doesn't have to feel. She doesn't have to be touched or told I love you, etc.

But, no, I'm just plain Jane. I'm not the prettiest of the girls, my hair isn't always done, I don't always wear make-up, but I loved to be told I'm beautiful, have my hand held, fingers running through my hair, etc.

Did he marry me just so I could be his "trophy" wife. Somebody he could show to people, and brag that Hey somebody wanted to marry me. I love him with 110% of my heart, but I don't feel like he loves me that much. It feels like he is already tiring of me. I loved to be touch, but it feels lately as I'm the only one that likes it. Usually I'm the one that that grabs his hand first to hold it or just sitting next to him and touching his face or asking to be kissed.

I'm tired of shedding my tears and feeling like a failure. I just want to feel loved.

I feel like....

I am failing miserably at marriage.

I'm starting to learn that everything should be communicated, but I hate when there are assumptions and the person doesn't talk to the other one about it to make sure that it is true.

Sometimes I feel like I am invisible in my marriage.

Most of the times I try to be considerate and ask how his day went, how was work,etc. I would love for him to ask how my day went. I need to feel like I belong. When I start talking about my day I would love for him to look interested. Sometimes his eyes glazes over or he starts looking around the room.

I couldn't sleep tonight because I felt like I did something wrong. He didn't even kiss me goodnight. I finally kissed him after realizing that he wasn't going to. So I sat up in bed trying to think about what I did this time that made him turn away from me. He turned over and nothing. No, Honey are you ok? What's wrong, etc.

I would like for him to care if something is wrong with me.

I know I did somethings wrong at the beginning of our marriage. I didn't know what to expect or how to handle myself. If I could go back I would change how the beginning or our marriage started and try to make everything better, but I can't.

So starting right now I will start fresh. I will be the best wife that I can be, and hopefully it will be enough.

I can't believe...

That I'm mad at a pillow :-)

When my husband and I were dating he would always have his arms around me all through the night, but since we have gotten married he has his arms around one of our decorative pillows all through the night.

He's on his side and I am on mine. It kinda sucks...but that's the way the cookie crumbles according to Bruce Almighty. LOL.

It feels like we are drifting away, but maybe that's just in my warped since of mind.

Cooking is not my forte

I decided to cook homemade mac & cheese last night...it looked good in the pan until I decided to take a bite. It was definitely missing something. My dear, wonderful husband said it tasted just fine...so I'm taking his word on that. :-)

I'm Married!

As of May 17, 2009 I am now a married woman. During that same weekend I also graduated from college. So now I am a married college graduate woman. All I need now is a job and everything will be groovy!!

I'm Getting Married in 3 Months!!!

I'm so excited! Can't wait. Hopefully I will have time some time this week to finish or almost finish our invitations. That's all for now :-)

Depressing News!

I had a meeting with my adviser today just so she could tell us some things that we need to know about for later in the semester. Near the end of our meeting we started talking about jobs. She said the whole state of Georgia is in a hiring freeze, and that they are actually making class sizes larger to accommodate the lack of teachers that they have. It must be really bad because my adviser said that if there is a job fair going on to not worry about missing a day of student teaching. She said for us to go to as many job fairs as we can so we can somehow get our foot in the door to teaching somehow.

I'm very depressed that I might now get a job. I need a job!! I have bills to pay, and a husband that needs me to pull my weight around the house. I just don't know what to do. I'm praying though that somebody will hire me. I'm keeping it positive right now :-)

I should be doing...

Schoolwork, but I'm watching America's Next Top Model. Observation Wed. ready to get it over with. Still did not pass the GACE so frustrating!!! Today, was better. My teacher said I did pretty good today so maybe I will be a great teacher after all :-)

3rd observation this week...

After this week 3 down, 5 more to go of observations that is! By the end of this month the semester will be half way over! And I will be getting married in 2 1/2 months. The weeks are going by fast. Before I know it I will be married!! And I better graduate. I keep freaking out about that!!

UGH.....

I hate when my mom tries to stir things up!!! This is how it all went down... "Do you know where you are going for your honeymoon?"
"No, and we might not be going anywhere 'cause we don't have the money."

Then she starts saying a bunch of crap about how he probably means for Gatlinburg to be our honeymoon, he should have thought about the honeymoon when he asked me to marry him (I don't get that one), and I must not be that important to him.

I'm fine if I don't get a honeymoon. I mean I will be a little sad and disappointed that I wouldn't get the traditional honeymoon, but I understand. You have to do what you have to do. I'm not the high maintenance woman my fiance thinks I am :-) I'm not going to demand a honeymoon when the money isn't there.

But if I do get a honeymoon then it will probably be somewhere in the states because I think it is almost too late to get a passport. Who knows though.... I am happy with whatever!