I wish I was a Stepford Wife

A woman that is perfect in everything she does. A woman who does everything her husband says to do with a smile on her face. A woman who is practically a robot so she doesn't have to feel. She doesn't have to be touched or told I love you, etc.

But, no, I'm just plain Jane. I'm not the prettiest of the girls, my hair isn't always done, I don't always wear make-up, but I loved to be told I'm beautiful, have my hand held, fingers running through my hair, etc.

Did he marry me just so I could be his "trophy" wife. Somebody he could show to people, and brag that Hey somebody wanted to marry me. I love him with 110% of my heart, but I don't feel like he loves me that much. It feels like he is already tiring of me. I loved to be touch, but it feels lately as I'm the only one that likes it. Usually I'm the one that that grabs his hand first to hold it or just sitting next to him and touching his face or asking to be kissed.

I'm tired of shedding my tears and feeling like a failure. I just want to feel loved.

I feel like....

I am failing miserably at marriage.

I'm starting to learn that everything should be communicated, but I hate when there are assumptions and the person doesn't talk to the other one about it to make sure that it is true.

Sometimes I feel like I am invisible in my marriage.

Most of the times I try to be considerate and ask how his day went, how was work,etc. I would love for him to ask how my day went. I need to feel like I belong. When I start talking about my day I would love for him to look interested. Sometimes his eyes glazes over or he starts looking around the room.

I couldn't sleep tonight because I felt like I did something wrong. He didn't even kiss me goodnight. I finally kissed him after realizing that he wasn't going to. So I sat up in bed trying to think about what I did this time that made him turn away from me. He turned over and nothing. No, Honey are you ok? What's wrong, etc.

I would like for him to care if something is wrong with me.

I know I did somethings wrong at the beginning of our marriage. I didn't know what to expect or how to handle myself. If I could go back I would change how the beginning or our marriage started and try to make everything better, but I can't.

So starting right now I will start fresh. I will be the best wife that I can be, and hopefully it will be enough.